Dear _________

I notice that a lot of people like to write letters to various nouns (i.e. person, place or thing) and post them on their blog. Now my next post is not to mock anyone. I’m sorry if it comes across that way. I’ve just decided that maybe I need to write a few letters of my own and get some things off my mind…


Dear Michigan State Spartans:
Please win your game on Saturday against Connecticut. It would help me greatly in winning some money that I could use to buy food storage and possibly a new skirt to wear for my lesson in a few weeks. Plus I would like to have bragging rights against my brother Michael and possibly a few other men that I work with.
Love,
Julia

Dear North Carolina Tar Heels:
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I would really appreciate you losing your game on Saturday against Villanova. Now, there is no shame in a #1 seed losing to a #3 seed that has been playing really well in the tournament. I also don’t have anything against your school, I just would like to win some money! Thanks for your understanding!
Love,
Julia

Dear Facebook:
I’m not sure how I let my friend Sarah talked me into signing up with you, but I have become extremely annoyed at everything you have created for people to do on your website. How do people find the time to do everything you have to offer? Do they neglect their children? Are their houses messy? Do they stay home? Or do they work for companies who haven’t figured out how to block the website? I just would like to know. Oh and if it requires taking time from sleeping, count me out. Please consider downsizing some of the applications you offer.
Love,
Julia

(Sorry if I offended avid facebook users… I’m just jealous you have extra time.)

Dear whoever decided Arizona needed to have an assessment tests for their students, (a.k.a. AIMS):
Now I do understand that many parents, students, educators and principals are not happy with the amount of stress that you place on them. After all, students need to pass the AIMS in high school in order to graduate. Parents are upset when their children are not performing to your standards. Educators stress out because it determines if they are a “good” teacher. And finally principals are nervous about how their school performances compare with other schools.

I however am extremely grateful for you. You see, I managed to get one of the best jobs during AIMS week. I sit in the library with another teacher and monitor 7 students taking the AIMS test. These are students who have been suspended or referred to an alternative school. Occasionally I have a few students who are late to school and consequently are testing with me. But for the most part, I am able to sit back, relax, grade a few papers, plan a few lessons and enjoy time away from some of my more “exceptional” students.
Love,
Julia


Dear Yo Gabba Gabba:
I would like to thank you for being able to entertain my child for 23 minutes! I’m able to do a quick chore whenever you are on the television. I don’t know how you do it, but we are excited to see new episodes of you this week! I am envious that you manage to make money off of songs that are kinda ridiculous and wish I would have thought to make my own show with the ridiculous songs I sing to my daughter and make lots of money! Keep up the good work!
Love,
Julia

P.S. Keep me in mind if you are hiring!

Dear Women of FLDS:
Recently, you have been on the Oprah show discussing your life style/religion. While I feel bad about the raid on your community and the trauma it may have cause your children, but would it kill you to put on a little mascara or make-up for your interviews? Also, please consider changing your hair and going to JoAnne’s and buying a new pattern for dresses. I’ll chip in money for it! Thanks!
Love,
Julia